


And the World Shined Bright again

by LenkaVittoriaElisse16



Series: Small Steve fics 2020 [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coming of Age, Falling In Love, Highschool SteveTony, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Introspection, Lots of Classical Music, M/M, Mutual Pining, Optimistic Steve, Pianist Tony, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad Tony, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Sneaky Steve Rogers, Steve has Juvenile Arthritis, Violinist Steve, Young Love, musician au, your lie in april au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenkaVittoriaElisse16/pseuds/LenkaVittoriaElisse16
Summary: Tony is a pianist who has lost interest in playing the piano, but he gets drawn to Steve, a violinist with an optimistic out view of life.ORalternatively known as "Your Lie in April SteveTony AU."
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Small Steve fics 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867279
Comments: 26
Kudos: 25
Collections: POTS (18+) Smol Steve Appreciation Bingo





	1. Chrysalis

**Author's Note:**

> For the Y4 square of the POTS smol Steve appreciation Bingo 2020: health problems and disabilities.
> 
> A big thank you to [Diana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_thunder/pseuds/lmao_thunder) for beta-ing this fic. Also, to Anna and Rhee for helping me brainstorm this story weeks earlier. To everyone on the SteveTony discord server, you guys are the best.
> 
> I never thought I would make a SteveTony version of the anime "Your Lie in April," yet the story really stuck with me, so I said, why not adapt the story and make it SteveTony? Because everything works as Steve Tony, right? Furthermore, I couldn't help but think of Musician SteveTony just coz I watched the LA Philharmonic playing at PBS. 
> 
> For those who are familiar with the anime, I've taken some creative liberties like Steve's disability or health problems, also I tried to stick with the original plot points of the anime.
> 
> Here are the links to the classical pieces in this fic. I highly recommend that you listen to them because they are very good:
> 
> [1\. Beethoven – Piano Sonata No. 14 (Moonlight Sonata) (3rd Movement)](https://youtu.be/BV7RkEL6oRc) -Tony plays this at the beginning of the fic  
> [2\. Beethoven – Violin Sonata No. 9 (Kreutzer Sonata) (1st Movement)](https://youtu.be/wEd2_GNMSm4) \- Steve plays this at his violin competition  
> [3\. Debussy – Suite bergamasque (3rd Movement) (Clare de lune)](https://youtu.be/WNcsUNKlAKw) \- Tony plays this for Nat when she's stressed or in a bad mood.  
> [4\. Saint-Saëns – Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso](https://youtu.be/l3m8-Ki8OSo) \- Steve and Tony plays this during Steve's second round of preliminaries
> 
> Links are also posted at the end.

The human metronome. That's what the dark haired boy of twelve was called. A cold precise robot, that was how people saw Howard Stark's son. As he played **Beethoven’s –** ** _Piano Sonata No. 14_** in the concert hall his face was devoid of any expression. _Didn't his father die the other day?_ _What is he doing here, performing in this competition? I know it’s finals, but, isn't he supposed to be mourning?_ But Tony Stark was cold and precise, formulaic. He was focused on the piano keys, playing as if he knew exactly what the piece’s composer had envisioned when he’d written the piece. The judges watching the performance were impressed, but then suddenly in the middle of his performance, the child genius stopped playing.

Four years after…

In a highschool in Ohio.

Anthony Stark slips in his earbuds as he tries to transcribe the notes onto the music sheet. He looks down at the black and white piano keys at his fingertips as he remembers his last music competition like it was just yesterday. The dry air, the scent of chalk dust, and the watching audience, him and the piano. However, the sixteen-old lad can't find the will to play anymore. He hears the ruckus outside in the schoolyard: Bucky playing soccer, and Nat playing baseball. His thoughts drift to his two best friends, they have always been enthusiastic about their craft. Unlike them he isn’t. Will he ever be again? Tony wonders as a ball breaks the window of the music room, and thankfully, Tony doesn’t get hit on the head with it. (The force behind the ball though was strong enough to throw Tony off the piano seat when it hit his arm.)

"OH GOOD LORD, IS SOMEBODY HURT?" Natasha's voice echoed in the dark music room as she appeared. _Rough as always_ , Tony thought as he attempted to stand from where he’d fallen. 

"Thank goodness it's just you Tony, I thought I would be facing a lawsuit. Just pretend this didn’t happen." The red-haired girl says as she picks up the ball from the ground.

"I can still sue you, you know," Tony shoots back, but Natasha just sticks her tongue out at him.

Tony looks at the window, mortified that it’s been broken for the nth time by Natasha. The fact that he requested to use the music room today means that he is responsible for anything that happens to the room during his requested time. How many times has he written an incident report about Natasha breaking the window? Twice? or Thrice in a month? The window is lucky if it survives for 2 weeks max. As his thoughts swirl around inside his head, the young athlete continues talking, sharing her need to impress Pepper and gain a _good_ spot on the team in hopes of earning an athletic scholarship for college. He looks at the mess on the floor and starts to pick up the broken shards only to be halted by her. 

"Tony, your hands-" she says as she carefully caresses them. "What if you injure your hand and can't play the piano anymore?"

"Jeez, Nat, I'm just helping you -"

"No! let me deal with the mess." She deadpans.

"Say cheese!" A tall, athletic young man says as he holds up his phone to snap a picture of them. "Tony and Nat bickering like an old couple again, why don't the two of you get married?" 

"BUCKY!" the two teenagers yell at their other friend.

The brunette teen laughs and proceed to tease them further. 

It has always been like this, the three of them: Bucky, Nat, and him. They have been friends ever since he could remember. Both of them are into sports, Bucky, the all-popular jock whose fame extends to other girls and guys in and out of school. He has around 1k followers, across Tiktok, IG, and Twitter, where he mostly shares his life (soccer). Nat, on the other hand, is currently preoccupied with catching her senior's attention: Pepper. It's all Tony hears from her these days.

The day is ending, and the inseparable trio are far from going their separate ways. Bucky is as ever, preoccupied with his phone, randomly showing them his _fans_ . This causes Nat to snark at him for inappropriately playing with the feelings of others. Bucky though, defends himself by saying that he _is_ interested in them. All at the same time? Really? He watches Bucky answer one phone call after another before he waves goodbye at them and goes off to god-knows-where, leaving Nat and Tony alone.

"How about you, Tony?" Nat nudges him, "Any special girl or boy?"

He scoffs.

"Honestly?" she rolls her eyes. "Pepper told me something: she says that when you fall in love, the world becomes… colorful. Things that you don't usually seem to notice now sparkle and the world is more... saturated."

"I wish I could share your world view Nat. But, I am not like you, in love with someone like Pepper. So, nothing seems magical to me now." He answers. 

_I am not in love with my craft._ _The world is in monotone, like piano keys._ _Nothing sparkles, nothing is vibrant, and my days of playing are over. The last time was four years ago._

He remembers his father, the infamous Howard Stark, was a frustrated pianist. Sure he played in concert halls, but his dream of making it big and performing in Europe had been passed on to his son. Shouldn't he be glad that his father is now dead? Isn't he supposed to be free? Then why does he feel nothing but hollowness? Emptiness? 

He felt Natasha gently grab his hand, drawing his attention towards her. She gives him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure you will regain your passion for music again. I just know it Tony." she pauses then gives him a sly smile. "This reminds me..."

"What is it?"

"Well, there’s this guy who wants me to introduce him to Bucky… you know, one of those Bucky fanboys." Natasha says as she adjusts the strap of her backpack. "He just transferred here this school year, he says his parents travel a lot, and he’s been a long time fan of Bucky's Tiktok videos… anyways, I told him I’m close friends with Bucky Barnes, and he was ecstatic! So I said, maybe I could introduce you to him?" 

"Maybe he’ll change Bucky's flirty nature? He was unsure at first, but I reassured him that I'd bring along my other friend so it won't be so awkward. That made him agree." Tony could already tell that this was turning into a bad idea, but Nat gestured that he hear her out first.

"Oh, so now you’re dragging me into your match-making sesh, oh great."

She gives him a sigh. "We would need your help Tony," she pleads.. "He is a classical musician. A violinist. And Bucky doesn’t know much about classical music, but you do, we just need to establish common ground."

He gives her a look, but the plan doesn't sound so bad after all.

"What do you say? Saturday? 3pm in the park outside the concert hall?"

"Alright." He agrees with a defeated sigh.

"Great! I will expect you then. You'll love him Tony. You two might even bond about playing musical instruments, who knows?" She gives him a pleased smile. 

Tony knows this whole idea is gonna be trouble. Despite Nat's reassurances, his self-doubt had always wins. _How do you see the world in color?_

He and Nat soon part ways. They have been neighbors for so long and have known each other since they were children. He finds it funny that the window of his music room is just opposite of Nat’s room. And he knows how much Nat loves hearing him play the piano. Sometimes, when he knows Nat is in a bad mood he would start playing **Debussy’s Clare de lune** to soothe her nerves.

Upon his father's death, his mother started working overtime to make ends meet. She checks on him, but he cann't share the emptiness he feels. Sometimes, it’s hard to share feelings; his father’s memory has cast his dark shadow over both Tony and his mom. He figures she feels the same way, and he decides that he won't open up to her because he doesn't want to burden her. 

The weekend comes, and Tony finds himself walking towards the meeting place. He hates the familiar path he walks. It reminds him of the times his father would drive him to the concert hall, and how usually the whole affair was a serious one. 

Tony feels his annoyance build up when he realizes he is the first to arrive at the meeting place. _Late as always._ He tries to busy himself by killing time instead. Then he hears it. 

It starts with simple melodies accompanied by the noise of children playing in the background, their laughter hanging in the air. The sound of a harmonica seems to be coming from the center of the park. He follows the music. _The sound is not bad,_ Tony thinks. _In fact, it’s pretty decent._

In the middle of the park, he sees a teen around his age blissfully playing the harmonica, Tony watches the musician sway to the beat of the playful tune he plays. His small physique makes him a bit shorter than Tony, yet his blonde hair perfectly compliments his beautiful face. Tony would describe his face as wonderfully chiseled and symmetrical, his eyes have long light lashes, and Tony can tell that he has a full bottom lip by the way he blows air into his instrument. In front of him are three children, their faces in awe, and perhaps his own face too as he joins the young audience.

Tony recalls what Natasha told him a couple of days ago, about that feeling of your world turning colorful once you have feel love in your heart. Why is he feeling it now? The world around him is sparkling. The colors are turning vibrant. And perhaps at its very core,is the fact he has never witnessed someone play music so beautifully. Whatever this blonde is doing, it’s touching his soul.

The young lad with blue eyes bows at the end of his performance, and his young audience claps. (Which he accepts with grace). He looks up, and his eyes meet Tony's. _And... for a moment, the world stands still._

There is a pause _. There is something in the blonde's eyes, have I seen him somewhere before?_ Tony tries to give a small smile and a wave back, only to realize that the other guy is waving towards Natasha, who is behind him. Tony feels his cheeks heat up. _Of course, he doesn't know me._

"Steve!"

"Nat!"

Tony watches the two share pleasantries until Bucky shows up, and Natasha introduces Bucky to the blonde who goes by Steve. From the exchange, he pieces together that this is the guy Natasha wants Bucky to meet and possibly date. 

"Oh, Steve, this is my other friend, Tony." Nat says.

"Tony? Tony Stark, _the_ pianist?" Steve exclaims.

Tony rubs the back of his head. "Yeah, but I don't play now."

"Oh," Steve says, his expression soft. Probably disappointed like most people. "I’ve heard lots about you, y'know."

"I'm sure none of it that great," Tony says as he tries to shrug off the conversation about him. "So- what's the plan this afternoon?"

"Steve has a plan for today," Nat smirks. Tony watches Steve walk towards the side of the fountain to retrieve something. He thinks he sees a bit of a limp in Steve's walk, but the thought disappears as Steve comes back.He’s retrieved a black violin case covered in Captain America stickers. 

"Today is my violin competition," Steve says as he points towards the concert hall. "I'm inviting you all to watch me," he gave Bucky a smile. "And hopefully leave an impression on you guys."

"Wait? You play the violin? That's so awesome Steve!" Bucky exclaims.

"Yup," Steve says looking at his wristwatch, "And we have to hurry because the contest starts in ten minutes."

Everyone cheers except for Tony. _This is really a bad idea._ "I'll just pass, and wait for you guys outside."

But as he turns around, Steve catches his wrist and gives him a smile. "You should join us Tony." he says.

There is something about Steve that makes Tony say yes.

* * *

_The dry air conditioning, the scent of chalkdust, the audience’s murmurs of… hey, isn't that the famous pianist? What was he called? The human metronome? He’s faded from the spotlight… I heard his father used to cane him when they practiced, I thought he moved to New York after his father's death, What is he doing here at a violin competition anyway?_

"Tony," Natasha squeezes his hand. "Are you alright?"

"I- I'm…" he looks over in Steve's direction as the blonde goes through the doors that lead backstage. It has been a while since Tony has been here, and sitting in the audience somehow diminishes the pressure he usually feels. _For once, the spotlight isn't on me._ As he sits there, he listens to Natasha, recount the days when she used to attend his piano contests and recitals. Those were the days she looked forward to, Tony hears her say, and this afternoon feels so nostalgic. Bucky, on the other hand, is busy looking at the pamphlet guide of the violin competition.

Three violinists come before Steve, and Tony could tell that Bucky was getting bored already. "Do they have to play the same piece over and over?"

"Yeah," Tony says. He remembers the technical aspect of these kinds of competitions, and sometimes, audience impact is only a small percentage of a musician’s total score.

When Steve's name is announced, he sees Bucky suddenly paying attention, and Nat cheers from her seat. Steve walks on stage, dressed in his formal attire, a deep blue tux that matches his eyes. He wears black hand-wrist supports, which surprises Tony a bit. Overall, Steve holds his head high, the spotlight accentuates his beautiful features. 

Tony watches Steve look towards the audience. His posture is straight, and he has a focused expression on his face. When he gets his cue to begin, he looks back to his accompanist and nods at him, indicating that he is ready to start. The pianist begins playing, and Steve plays the first few notes of **_Beethoven's – Kreutzer Sonata_ ** . Tony listens to Steve's opening notes, and they are flawlessly technically perfect until the music starts to swell. Then Steve's playing _changes_.

Tony hears the collective gasps from the audience. The lively and unique performance Steve is giving has stirred the sleeping audience. Tony glances to the side and sees Bucky on the edge of his seat, clearly smitten with Steve's playing. 

_That's the same piece from earlier, right? Yes, but how come it sounds so different? How come it seems more alive? Like a story is unfolding on the stage._

Tony can't pinpoint precisely the reason Steve's playing sounds different, but he is sure that Steve looks carefree and is in control of the musical piece. He can imagine the judges shaking in their seats as they evaluate Steve's performance. No doubt, they want to deduct points for not following the piece technically and adapting it to make it his own. 

_Self-expression doesn't mean anything if you get the technical aspects wrong._

And yet... 

_Steve plays in a wild, carefree manner, his adaptation of the piece gives Beethoven's Kreutzer a specific style. No, I don't think it belongs to Beethoven anymore, at this moment, it is his. The notes skillfully blended, only in a way that he can play it. He is so tempestuous, capricious, to the point that I can't read him! But at the same time, I can't help but be drawn to him._

Steve plays his last note with a powerful stroke, and the audience gives him the biggest applause yet.

Tony watches Steve catch his breath as he looks around at the audience, he simply is happy with his craft. _A true musician._ Tony can't help but feel warmth bloom in his chest, at that moment, Steve is indeed…

Beautiful.

* * *

"Do you think Steve will advance in this competition? Given the applause he received." Natasha asks as she scrolls on her phone. The trio is outside of the concert hall waiting for Steve to emerge, as the judges finalize their decision.

Tony shrugs as he leans on the wall, trying to appear disinterested. "Well, he could have won if this was a violin recital, but it's not. The judges probably deducted multiple points from him." _Even though he played it so well._

"I know he'll win no matter what, he hit a home-run with me." Bucky said enthusiastically.

And it isn't only Bucky, Tony takes note of how everyone seems to remember how remarkable Steve was. _If only he could be like that too…_ then the image of his father flashes through his mind. Tony has to distract himself.

"Oh look there he is!" Nat says, and Tony watches the children give Steve a bouquet of freshly picked flowers from the park. 

Steve waves at them, and Tony feels his heart flutter.

However, instead of running towards him, Steve goes straight to Bucky, who congratulates him on his performance. Tony looks on at the scene unfolding in front of him. It feels like he is watching a romance movie, and they are the leads. 

"May I know what the great Tony Stark has to say about my performance, did you like it?" 

Tony didn't notice that Steve was talking to him. The image of Steve with his violin flashes through his head. 

"I…" he began, shifting his eyes to find the answer, and he catches a glimpse of Steve's gloved hand shaking. "I've never seen someone receive flowers…?"

Steve raises an eyebrow at Tony "Okay…" 

Natasha pats Tony's back and he looks over to see her smirking. Before turning back to Bucky and Steve, who are animatedly chatting with each other.

Moments later, the results of those who passed the preliminaries are posted. Tony had been sure that Steve wouldn't make it, but he did. And surprisingly won the "Audience Choice" title.

* * *

Another day in school doesn't erase the thoughts of the past weekend in Tony's mind. _I can never stop dreaming about it, the music, the applause, the passion. Everything I've learned from my father seems to have fluttered with the wind. All I can see is him._

He looks ahead and sees Steve standing outside the gymnasium. Tony swears he can feel his heart skip a beat. 

"Tony," he greets him with a smile, and Tony stares. Steve sighs and approaches him. 

"I was thinking that I would surprise Bucky by meeting him here, turns out he's unavailable."

Tony looks over at the field to see Bucky at soccer practice while simultaneously entertaining his _fanbase_. At that moment, he feels a little sorry for Steve. He must be hoping for some time out with Tony’s popular best friend. 

"What a bummer. I was hoping to invite him to get dessert," Steve murmurs in a low tone as he walked around in circles, trying to hide his disappointment. "But since he is not available, why don't you sub in for him and go out with me instead?"

Tony gives him a look, he feels unsure about the idea.

Steve stares back with his light blue eyes twinkling. "C'mon, it will be fun, and I know a good cafe downtown."

* * *

  
  


It's been a while since Tony has been able to eat outside since he spends most of his days in the music room. He watches Steve in amusement as he orders two cakes and a smoothie. Tony orders the same cake but gets one cake less. Steve is right when he says their cheesecakes are to die for.

"You… you were really amazing back there," Tony begins, unsure of what to say. "It's like the music came to you effortlessly."

"You think so?" Steve answers and gives Tony a smirk.

"But you could have lost," Tony continues frankly. "You can't rely on audience impact always, the judges…" he falters for a moment as he remembers his father's words. "The judges won't care if you entertained the audience; you have to play the music right."

"But, I don't care about the judges." Steve protests after he sips his smoothie.

"Elaborate, please?" Tony's brows furrow, uncomfortable with the idea.

"When I stand on the stage with the violin in my hand, I always think: _Will my music reach them?_ Because I want my passion for music to be heard. When I play on the stage, it's not for me, but for the audience, so if I give the most exciting performance, then I feel like I've accomplished my goal."

There is a pause. Tony says nothing, as he digests Steve's words in his head. 

"Anyway, Nat says you still play the piano?"

"Nope," Tony says, avoiding Steve's gaze. "Haven't played a single concert piece since I was 12."

"But Nat says you're always in the music room?" Steve prods. "So..?" 

"Uhmm that's just a part-time job that I'm doing, you know transcribing pop songs into sheet music so that karaokes can use them."

Steve nods at the explanation.

Another pause. The matcha smoothie is excellent Tony thinks. 

"So, I've heard a lot about you… actually." Steve tucks a strand of blonde hair behind his ear. He talks slowly as if he's choosing his words correctly. "And, I know that you always placed first in competitions, is it alright if I asked… why? Why have you stopped playing?"

Tony looks into Steve's eyes, _an ambush question!_

"I…" 

_Why? What is the reason?_

"I cannot hear the notes anymore," he answers plainly. "The more I concentrate, the more I cannot hear them anymore. I... I mean, I can hear perfectly fine." 

Tony scoffs. He must sound funny, his explanation is ridiculous. "However, the sound that doesn't register is the sound of my playing." _It is my curse._

Tony expects Steve to laugh and brush off what he’s said, but Steve just looks at him somewhat sympathetically. There is a softness in his gaze. "It's not that you can hear it, but…" his hand gently touches Tony's. "But, something is blocking it."

Tony avoids his gaze. "It's just like typing on your laptop's keyboard, it's only soundless tapping, which makes no sense." _Like you’re being dragged to the bottom of the ocean._

The afternoon progresses, and the two exchange stories of how they got into music, or mostly Steve talks, he tells Tony that he initially wanted to play the piano, but chose the violin instead. Why? Tony can't recall some of the things Steve says as he’s stuck between his own introspection and listening to Steve’s reasoning for loving music. 

On their way home, Steve's phone makes a pinging sound. Whatever they are chatting about comes to a halt as Steve pulls out his phone. Steve's brows furrow when he sees the message.

"He’s quitting." He tells Tony.

"Who is quitting?" 

"My accompanist," Steve answers him. "The second round of preliminaries is two weeks from now."

Tony feels somewhat sorry for Steve.

"Do you think you can…" Steve looks at him in the eye. "Can you be my accompanist?"

WHAT?!

"Well, you said you wanted to try again, Tony." Steve argues.

"No!" Tony almost tears his hair in disbelief. "No, like what the fuck?"

"Language!" Steve says sternly. "Look, you haven't played since you were 12, and that was three years…"

"Four years." Tony corrected.

"Fine! Four years of not playing, hey this might be a good opportunity."

"Why?"

"Because," Steve stresses each word, "the pressure is not on you, you are not competing… I _am_."

_He's got a point_. 

"Fine," Tony gives in. "So, what piece did you choose to play?"

“I chose: **_Saint-Saëns’ Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso_ **”

Tony looks at him, and only finds tenderness in Steve’s eyes. Here, in front of him, is a boy who is in love with music and with life.

* * *

The moment Steve sends him the music piece's pdf files, Tony suddenly rethinks his life decisions. He glances at the clock that says 11pm. Why did he agree to do it? This is clearly a mistake, _I should probably call Steve and tell him that I can't do it._ He stares at his phone, the name Steve Rogers looking back up at him before it’s replaced with Natasha's picture as she calls him.

Tony takes a deep breath before summoning up his courage to pick up the call.

"Hey _shellhead_ ," Nat teases. "When you need motivation, look out of your window." 

Tony sighs as he looks out only to see sheet music on Nat's window. 

"What the hell?" Tony says over the phone. "Steve told you, didn't he?"

“Always Steve…” Nat sighs on the other line.

“Sorry, but I think Bucky’s a bit of an asshole towards him.”

“And you won’t be?”

“Nat…”

A pause.

"Listen," Tony says, "I… I'm thinking of calling Steve, I… I don't think I can do this,"

"What?" Natasha's voice is alarmed, and Tony watches her open her window, so, the two of them to can be face to face. "You have come this far Tony, now's not the time to quit."

"I know… but--"

"Listen," Natasha's voice is firm. "I've listened to you constantly play the piano ever since we were kids, music is part of you Tony and… I would really appreciate it if you came back."

Tony is silent. 

"Why don't you give it a chance? If it doesn't turn out well, then just quit… you'll never know if you don't try again."

Tony glances at the grand piano at the center of his study room. The poor neglected thing has collected dust and become a study table covered with books. Pathetic.

"I'll think it over Nat," he says, dropping the call. Nat smiles at him from the other side and waves good night.

* * *

It isn't that Steve is highly persuasive, oh no, he is relentless. As Tony half-heartedly studies the piano piece, Steve requests that the school's audio system play the Rondo Capriccioso every day at 4pm when Tony will be using the music room. This goes on for a week, and surprisingly, nobody minds. Some students groan about the same classical piece playing over and over, but they dismiss it all the same. 

Tony, on the other hand, finds himself ghosting the piano keys in thin air. Somehow, his brain tells him that he should stop. Stop this foolishness, yet he knows, deep in his heart, he can’t. There is an irresistible urge to do it. 

Tony doesn’t mind the passage of time, when the day of the competition comes around, he'll simply forget all about it. Steve barges into the cafeteria and grabs Tony by the collar, and pushes him to the wall. Tony hears the collective gasps from the other students, yet his eyes are fixed on Steve's. They are glassy, red, and heartbroken. 

_Oh, SHIT!_

Today is the day of the competition, and Steve must have been frantically looking all over for him. He thinks he told Steve about withdrawing the offer, but now it's too late. Steve needs him. But can he? Can he live up to the expectations?

"Steve," he says softly as Steve loosens his grip on his collar. "I'm sorry."

Steve lets out a massive sigh of relief. Tony notes how bad his hands are shaking and how he struggles to stand, but Steve collects himself. "Maybe you are scared, maybe you cannot hear your own notes, and you may be a bit rusty, but I want you to play with me anyway,"

Tony looks into Steve's eyes that are so full of determination. 

The blonde continues. "As long as there is a crowd to play music for, as long as I can reach their hearts... Tony, I will be giving my all. I believe that I was put on earth to inspire people through music, and so were you."

"So..." Steve pleads. "Trust in me Tony, give me a chance."

"Steve," Tony shakes him a bit as he realizes that Steve's eyes have begun to tear up. "Let's go."

Steve looks at him and gives him a smile. "Thank you."

* * *

_"That's it Tony... look at the notes, now, you must memorize them by heart."_

_"Remember Tony, the piano demands perfection, that's why you must practice diligently."_

_"If you are going to be perfect, you must play it exactly as it was written."_

_"What are you doing Tony? Are you stupid! The time signature is there! Do it again!"_

_"You cannot sleep until you have perfected your playing! Understood?"_

_"Now, stop being a child, and play again."_

These were all things Howard used to say to Tony. Rumor is that his father was rigorous, and that poor Tony likely had bruises all over his arms. Tony would walk with his head hung low, during those times, and people sometimes treated him like an automated robot. 

_Of course, he always wins. But at what cost?_

* * *

Contestant number 12 is called on stage. Tony can feel his heart thumping wildly inside his chest. He looks at the sheet music on his lap, his hands playing an invisible piano. He can feel the muscles in his neck tense up from always hanging his head low. _I should have rehearsed for this piece day and night! Yet, I didn't do anything!_ He catches a glimpse of Steve in his dark blue velvet formal attire, and he seems happy looking around backstage. Tony's mind goes into a panic as soon as he remembers that Steve is a crazy fiddler.

Steve is talking to him, but Tony can't hear the words, all he can think of is that their performance is a disaster waiting to happen. This is how cramming feels like, like being so unprepared for an exam that his mind is going to go blank. At this rate, he can only manage a half-assed performance, which is not on par with his standards. _I have to concentrate,_ his mind screams!

"TONY!"

Steve yanks his necktie, and their foreheads bump into each other, causing them to let out agonized screams. Steve presses his gloved hand on his forehead while Tony thinks he might have died.

"Quit it!" Steve tells him.

"Quit what?" Tony rebutts.

"Overthinking." Steve finally says. "Your brain is so noisy, it will not do you any favors."

"What the hell Steve! I need my brain to work right now!"

"Sssshhh..." Steve hushes him. He takes Tony's hands into his own and rests his forehead on Tony's. "Just shut up and listen, just... look at me, not at the audience, not the floor or your lap. Your thoughts are like quicksand, the more you struggle, the more you sink. If you let your thoughts win, they will just overwhelm you."

Tony's hands relax in Steve's as he takes a deep breath. 

"You have heard the piece countless times before, you may as well have practiced it in your sleep," Steve gives him a soft smile. "The music is within you, Tony."

" _I pay no attention whatsoever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings._ That's what Mozart used to say. _"_ Steve continues.

Tony tries to force a smile. It is difficult to chase away the voices that scream _perfection_. But music isn't all about precision, it's about the joy and beauty that comes with it. 

He may not be ready at that moment, but when Steve's name is announced to perform onstage, Tony is able to keep his head high.

* * *

  
  


He remembers the way Steve pulls him by the hand enthusiastically to the stage. _This is the time to explore, so go out there and start your journey._ This feels all so different, so strange from the teachings of his father. This guy, whose name is Steve, is like a roller coaster, and going on a musical journey with him feels exciting.

He hears the collective gasps of the audience as he stands behind Steve and makes his way to the grand piano. He bets people might recognize him as the child prodigy who has been away from the stage for four years. And is here now as an accompanist for an unknown yet wild violinist. Of course, Steve's audience expects much, he is the crowd favorite after all.

He hears Steve murmur a mantra, then he looks at him and gives him his cue. Tony nods. He cannot screw this performance up. The performance begins, and Tony tries to take it slow. So far, so good. He can hear the notes as his fingers dance upon the piano keys. 

However, the tricky part is coming: the notes are starting to become complicated, and he knows Steve is gonna ramp up his performance. There it is, the erraticness of the music coming from Steve's bow, how can he keep up? Tony focuses on the score, and the notes that are sprawled across it start to fade and some fuse together to the point that it becomes unreadable. The notes are escaping him. He glances at Steve, who confidently continues to play his part, and then he unintentionally glances at the audience which is a grave mistake.

This takes him back to the time when his father's favorite seat was in the back row near the emergency exit. That spot had an accessible wheelchair bay area, and Howard knew that Tony would be able to see him clearly from that seat. Tony could feel his heart beating wildly inside his heart. He remembers the suffocating feeling of being submerged into the darkest depths of the ocean. The light fades, sound fades, and all Tony can see is his panic-induced pounding of the keys. It must sound terrible, but he can't hear it, and there is nothing to guide him. He is all alone in his watery grave.

He couldn't help but stop mid-performance. Tony covers his ears with his hands, clearly panic-stricken. What is he supposed to do now?

_I'm so sorry Steve... If I keep playing like this, your performance will suffer. Please go on without me!_

There is a faint echo of the violin playing in the background. Tony hopes that Steve will continue , but the playing stops.

_When all seems lost, and you feel like you are sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Just focus on me, and I'll be your guide. I know you can do it Tony... the music is within you._

Tony can see Steve's face. Is he disappointed in him? But he remembers Steve's words before they went on-stage. Steve believes in him, maybe it is time to ...

Steve looks at him with a soft expression. "Again?" He smiles. 

The warmest and sweetest smile Tony could ever imagine. Here, in front of him is a guy who never cares about competitions and rankings, all he wants to do is share his music with the world because he is a musician, and that is what musicians do. Steve retakes his position. The violin is under his chin, and with his right hand begins to play again, starting from the very top. Repeating the performance as if he doesn’t care that he is already disqualified.

At this point, Steve is playing just for the sake of playing his music. Tony looks back down at the piano keys. The sheet music sheet still looks blank to him. He debates with himself whether or not he he should join Steve in his performance. He’s already made it this far. His hands start to play again.

_Focus, focus, focus!_ His mind chants. _If I can't hear the music then maybe I should just imagine it!_

How do you play a piece without feeling pressured?

His mind takes him back to his earliest days of playing the piano. He would slam the keys with such curiosity and they would produce the most awful sounds ever. He remembers how his father told him that the piano should be dealt with gently, he might have been around four or five years old at this time. _Tony, if you tickle it, the piano will laugh, likewise if you pound it, it will cry._ Tony remembers the softness of his own innocence during that time. And when he remembers the gentleness, the love he has for the instrument, he starts to hear his own playing again.

For the first time in four years, Tony can hear the notes again, and he’s able to concentrate more on Steve's playing. Steve can lead, and he’ll follow, but there will still be a divergence in their playing, a certain style unique to each of them. He can hear the audience starting to warm up, the earlier disaster no longer weighed his mind down anymore. It is true, the music is within him, waiting to be released. Little by little, he draws out his passion. Everyone can hear his love for it. And, for the first time, when Steve and he reach their last notes, Tony feels like he has reached the shore and is finally safe from drowning.

He can hear the audience's roar like they are at a concert. Somewhere, perhaps, Natasha and Bucky are wildly cheering for them. But right now, all he can see is Steve's beautiful form soaking in the stage's golden light.

The scenery around him changes: a meadow full of blooming flowers. _Truly,_ Tony thinks. _Steve moves me forward, relentlessly, like a heartbeat, his music moves me... it's everywhere._

And just like that… Steve falls to the ground.


	2. Metamorphosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Diana for Beta-ing this chapter. We are working under time pressure. Today is last day of posting. And it's fun working under pressure. 
> 
> The links to the musical pieces in this chapter:  
> (You should listen to these Chopin pieces)
> 
> [1\. Chopin – Etude Op. 25, No. 5 (Wrong Note)](https://youtu.be/g7C2it9cCsY) \- This is Tony's piece in the piano competition.  
> [2\. Chopin – Etude Op. 10, No. 4 (Torrent)](https://youtu.be/oHiU-u2ddJ4) \- This is Thor's piece in the competition.  
> [3\. Chopin – Etude Op. 25, No. 11 (Winter Wind)](https://youtu.be/gZjdAWgjLx8) -This is T'Challa's piece during the competition.
> 
> Links are also provided at the end notes.

Sometimes, moments of victory pass by quickly. One second, Tony watches Steve bask in the spotlight, and the next second, Steve is suddenly making a sharp sound and dropping his violin to the ground. Tony watches in horror as his friend crumples on stage. He rushes forward to check on him, but Steve doesn't respond to his calls. Tony notices his hand and feet are twisted, and he feels the panic rising in his chest.  _ STEVE! WHAT IS HAPPENING?  _ It seems like an eternity before the paramedics appear and place Steve on a stretcher.  _ Oh Steve!  _ Tony con't help but feel frightened, confused, and alone.

And just like that, Steve is taken away from him.

* * *

Tony, along with Nat and Bucky, visit Steve at the hospital the next day.

"I'm just waiting for some test results to come back, don't worry about me," Steve tells them and then he looks at Tony. "I'm glad that you rescued my violin and even took care of the strings."

"Don't worry about it..." Tony answers rather softly. He remembers how he pieced Steve's violin together last night, it had almost broken from the drop, but luckily there hadn't been any severe damage, just a few loose strings and broken pegs. 

"We were so worried about you." Bucky says, sitting on the edge of the bed as he tucks a few strands of Steve's light hairs behind his ear. 

For some reason, Tony feels something unpleasant in the pit of his stomach. He tries to look away but decides to dismiss any uncomfortable feelings he is feeling. Bucky adds with a grin: "Nat had to stop me from coming near you that time. Luckily, Tony was there!" 

Steve catches Tony's eye, and Steve seems somewhat apologetic about the whole ordeal. 

"I'm sorry you had to witness that, my joint pain shouldn't be acting up when I've taken my pain relievers earlier in the day." Steve says apologetically. 

"No, it wasn't your fault," Tony answers back. "I... I didn't play my best,"  _ It was a complete disaster _ .  _ Yet you believed in me; I am just another disappointment. How could I ever match up to your expectations?  _ "I let you down, and I'm the one who is supposed to be sorry."

"Yeah, I almost wanted to shout at Tony when he stopped playing," Nat said, amplifying Tony's guilt. "But I guess overcoming your fear of playing and performing on stage since your father's death is a big step towards getting back on your feet again, don't you think so?"

Tony winces a little when Nat puts her arms around his shoulder and pulls him in. She's always supportive like that. "Thanks, Nat," he says.

"Yeah," Bucky interjects. "You see, the first time you both played it was good until Tony messed up and the two of you were out of sync. Then the second time the two of you played, you two were still out of sync yet you both complemented each other? I know it sounds weird when you put it that way, but... it kinda worked?"

"It was quite the experience." Steve says with a smile, "I thought Tony was about to steal my spotlight,"

Tony feels his face grow hot on the compliment.

* * *

Steve has to stay home for another couple of days. According to Nat, he has to do a series of physical therapy sessions. Nat also tells him that Bucky seems to be getting along well with Steve, as Bucky told her that he visits Steve during his physical therapy sessions after school. 

"I think they would work out, the two of them, maybe Bucky will change his playboy ways for Steve, and I feel glad that I've helped."

Tony feels for his cellphone in his pocket.

The sun is setting, and the weather patterns are changing from spring to summer, the heat seems amplified nowadays. Nat continues to tell him about her day that started with baseball and ended with organizing a date with Pepper. Of course, Tony banters with her just like they always do.

When they reach a fork on the road, instead of taking the same road home with him, she mentions that she has to meet with Pepper by the convenience store. Tony heads home on his own.

Tony’s fingers brush his phone in his pocket. It vibrates, and he pulls it out to look at the message.

It's from Steve.

Steve:  _ Are you still playing? _

Steve has been quite persistent. Even though they haven't seen each other for days, he continually sends Tony musician memes, quotes from his favorite composers, youtube videos, and more.

Tony replies with more memes, more funny videos, and more music puns. However, today Tony didn't respond to Steve’s efforts of checking in him. Questions like  _ Have you played the piano today?  _ make him feel uneasy. It feels like he is running away from something, or perhaps guilt just weighs heavily on his heart. 

He hears laughter from a distance, in a park near his home, and it sounds like Steve. He follows the sound, and there he sees Steve playing hopscotch with two kids near the river.

"Tony!" he waves when he spotted him.

"Steve!" he calls out in return. "I thought you were in physical therapy today?"

"I was earlier actually. " he said. 

"Whoa, is he your boyfriend?" the small girl with wild red hair asks Steve. "He's so pretty!"

Tony feels a blush creep onto his face.

"Ahhh no! No! He is just a friend Wanda." Steve replies and playfully hushes the little girl before she could add more embarrassing things.

"But you said your boyfriend had thick black hair and dark eyes." the little boy protests. 

"Pietro!" Steve says, trying to reprimand the two kids.

Tony is confused by the situation unfolding in front of him, but he plays along. 

"Well, he'll be my boyfriend if he stops sending me cursed Youtube music mash-ups."

"Really? You loved those!" Steve says with a smirk on his face. "He'll only be my boyfriend if he agrees to join the piano competition."

Tony’s eyes widen. What the? Steve is insane.

"Wow, he can play the piano? That's awesome!" Pietro exclaims.

"Teach me, please! I want to play the piano!" Wanda pleads. 

Tony is about to say something when he hears someone call for the kids from a distance. The kids quickly forgot their inquiries and say their goodbyes. Their father calls them and Steve waves them goodbye.

Now, it’s only the two of them. The setting warm sun, the river by the dock, the gentle breeze cooling downthe humid air that has permeated the day.

"Hi, Tony." Steve greets again. "How's your day?"

"Just the same. And you? Bucky treating you right? " Tony answers. 

"Same old same old." Steve rolls his eyes.

"Nat says that you might change his playboy ways."

Steve snorts. "How about Nat?"

"On a date with Pepper."

Steve nods. 

"So, those kids...?" Tony inquired. 

"Just some kids from my neighborhood. The twins Wanda and Pietro, they like it when I play the violin. I told them I had a friend who plays the piano,"

"Then why did they assume I was your boyfriend?" 

"Ahhh, who knows?" Steve shrugs. "Kids are hyper imaginative,"

The two teens laughed—the silliness of everything until Steve looks at his wrist, now wrapped in a wrist support.

"Are you alright?" Tony asked.

"I can see that the piano is your whole universe," He begins while avoiding Tony’s question. "You try to hide from it, yet your face is an open book. In that moment, we were both alive, you and I. We have music in our bones." Tony watches Steve's face lighten up, as he reminisces over the past. 

Tony never expected these words to come from Steve. He remembers the last competition as a disaster, leading to Steve's defeat and disqualification. He remembers reading those youtube comments on the video of that horrible day. They all accuse him of ruining Steve's performance, which is true. If Tony is honest with himself, he doesn't deserve these kind words but Steve is grateful to be with him.

"I'll never forget this." Steve adds. "I am thankful that you played with me." 

_ This guy is truly a force of nature. Steve, if my father met you now, he wouldn't approve of you being my friend. He'd reprimand me for having poor friend choices. He would probably tell me that you are a bad influence on my playing, but somehow, I can't help but be drawn to you.  _

"Steve, I didn't really expect you to be grateful, but I should tell you that, that moment with you, on the stage, it made me feel alive. _ " I am alive. It was amazing. _

Steve gave Tony a smile that made it clear he was so proud of himself. "Now then," he walks closer to Tony "I'm gonna tell you. You are gonna enter this piano competition. That’s an order from me.” He hands out a flyer from the community hall. “It's your turn now. Are you still scared? It can be terrifying."

"Making music is like a heartbeat. Without it, you are dead." Steve circles around Tony.

"Sometimes, confidence is just a lie. You fake it till you make it." Steve continues as he walks towards the edge of the river. The afternoon is warm, and Tony remembered the times he would play in the river with Nat and Bucky. "And sometimes, all you can do is jump into the water."

And before Tony can stop Steve from doing a cannonball on the deck, his blonde friend does exactly that, and Tony runs to see if his friend is alright. He is.

"Come! The water is warm!" Steve teases him with a smile. 

_ Steve shines so brightly. His confidence and laughter are infectious. Tony removes his bag and shirt and leaves it them on the ground as he walks over to the deck. Will you be joining the piano competition? What if my answer is 'Yes'?  _ Tony imagines a whole different world around him, a world where he wouldn't be held back by fear or by the need for perfection, or perhaps even his father's ghost. _ I want to be like Steve, and if I have to start over again... _

Tony attempts his most enormous leap.

The leap of faith.

It is scary, he can feel the knots in his stomach unfurl like going down the roller coaster. But the applause and satisfaction, in the end, is all worth it. And if it can make Steve smile, then won't everything be better?

The water is indeed warm when he fully submerges himself in it, and when he reaches the surface, he is greeted with Steve laughing at how ungraceful he is. Tony can't help but laugh his heart out along with him.

* * *

Tony invites Steve for dinner at his house since it's closer. He introduces Steve to his mom, and his mother takes an instant liking for his friend, which relieves him. He loans Steve some of his clothes. For some reason, Steve seems rather pleased wearing his shirt despite it swallowing him whole. 

"May I keep this shirt?" Steve says as he motions at Tony's Captain America themed shirt.

Tony's brows furrowed.

"I never knew you were into comics?"

"Shut up,"

"Nerd."

Tony sighs. 

"Fine, you can have it." 

Then he finds Steve has entered his music room. He follows Steve inside the dimly lit room and finds him leaning towards the grand piano at the center of the room. He watches as Steve caresses the piano, carefully wiping away the accumulated dust with his fingers. 

"I'm sorry." He hears Steve whisper towards the musical instrument. "He never meant to neglect you, he is just hurting but hopefully he will go back to you."

"Steve--"

"You have a somber piano in here Tony." Steve says. "Does he have a name?"

"I used to call him Jarvis." 

"Jarvis misses you, and he has lots of complaints, he says he is not a bookshelf nor a dumpster." He reprimands Tony. "He thinks you have forgotten him, but I have reassured him you haven't."

Tony feels his heart sink.  _ Oh Jarvis. _

_ " _ Did you name your instrument too?" Tony asks.

"I call him Nomad. He is a wanderer and an outlaw." Steve answers. 

"That suits him perfectly, he is wild."

Steve gives him a smile. 

“I felt bad for him y’know. There was a time I apologized over and over at the hospital. He doesn’t deserve to be dropped like that.”

Tony feels his heart swell, indeed being a musician also means having their own relationships with their instruments. He looks at Jarvis. Steve is right, he has neglected Jarvis. 

Steve looks out the window and points towards the house next door. "So, that’s Nat's house?"

"How'd you know?"

"Bucky told me that you’re neighbors." Then he gives Tony a sly smirk. "Don't tell me you watch her dress up."

"What? No! Ridiculous! I’ve known for a long time that she has a bigger dick than I do." Tony denies the accusation. 

And as if on cue, Natasha's window opens, and when she peers out, she sees Tony and Steve together. She must get the wrong idea when she sees Steve wearing Tony's shirt. She raises an eyebrow at them.

* * *

"Can you hear this?" Steve unlocks his phone and taps on an audio file. 

Tony listens to the horrendous music playing from the phone. He recognizes  **_Chopin's Etude Op. 25 number 5 (Wrong Note)_ ** . But, everything about it is off, especially the time signature. The musical piece starts off perfectly until it progresses to senseless pounding on the keyboard. 

"Is this..." he takes a deep breath; clearly, this is how low he has sunken. "Is this my playing?"

"Yep," Steve said with a smile on his face. "I asked Bucky to record your playing while you weren't aware, and it's truly horrible. If you want to compete in that competition, you're gonna have to try harder, don't you think?" 

Tony sighs into his hands and then runs them through his hair. This is becoming overwhelming. 

A week ago, Steve coaxed him into submitting an application to compete, and now, having selected his piece, he finds himself struggling to get back into practicing on his piano.

Usually, when classes end, he goes straight to the music room and plays the piano until Bucky and Nat have finished their own respective practices for the day. Steve will sometimes join him if he isn't preoccupied with physical therapy and violin practice.

He looks at the calendar. Steve has marked the date of his competition with Captain America's shield. Tony often smiles whenever he sees Steve's drawings scattered throughout the calendar in red and blue sharpie marks. Tony finds it amusing that Steve can draw as well as he can play.

It helps the hand joints, he remembers Steve explaining to him.

Tony feels a stick poke his shoulder. Steve is encouraging him to play, and sometimes he can get pretty scary. 

When the four of them are alone in a room together, he wants Steve's eyes to focus on him only, not on Bucky. 

* * *

However, there are things that Steve does that surprise Tony. For example, showing up at night to keep him company while he practices. Steve sometimes shows up to his house with treats, and mostly brings doughnuts. Which Tony is delighted by because he is exceptionally fond of them. So fond of the doughnuts, that Steve bribes him with doughnuts just to listen to him play.

"Wait a minute." Tony asks suspiciously. "How did you know I love Bavarian cream-filled doughnuts?" 

"Let's say Aunt Maria told me." Steve answers as he leans on Jarvis. 

Tony lets out a snort and fondly throws a throw pillow at Steve, which he dodges quite easily. 

"That reminds me since you gave me your Cap shirt, I need to give you one in return."

"And what's that?"

Steve pulled out a small stuffed bean plushie that looks like Captain America. He throws it at Tony, who catches it with his two hands. "A CapTsum, for good luck."

"Wow, I really appreciate this Steve, thanks, he looks like you when you're mad."

"I have an IronTsum. Don't worry, I'll pretend that's you, and when I feel frustrated with you, I'll just lecture him instead." Steve returns in jest. 

"Who knew you’d turn these Tsums into voodoo dolls of us?"

"Isn't that the idea?"

Tony continues to play some more, Steve is propped by the window sill and listening as Tony plays his melodies. 

"Tony,"

"Yes?"

"Do you hate me? For pushing you so hard? Does that make me a tyrant like your father?"

"What?" Tony is taken aback for a while. Sure, Steve sometimes goes overboard with pushing Tony back into playing, but he is nowhere near tyrannical as his father. 

Steve continues his musings as he looks out towards Nat's house. 

"Nat thinks I push you too hard. She tells me that I should go easy on you. I understand her perspective because you have been through so much, but I can’t ignore the bond you have with your instrument. I see that you love your piano, you are just... afraid." Steve looks at him, "I'm sorry, for pushing you so hard, forgive me?"

"On the contrary," Tony answers as he plays more sweet melodies for Steve. "I feel like I am on a journey with you."

He glances over at Steve, who closes his eyes as he listens to soothing music Tony is producing. 

"You said that it's time for me to explore and be adventurous. It is indeed scary, being backon stage and playing in front of a large crowd of people. I'm sure they know me, they call me the human metronome, the child who plays with so much precision that my skill is invalidated. I’m treated like a robot. But lately, things seem to be looking up for me, and all thanks to you."

Steve gives him a smile of acknowledgment. Tony knows that Steve is probably going to start drifting off to sleep. Maybe he should let him sleepover tonight? Tony looks over at Steve's sleeping form, he looks so peaceful and content. Tony continues to play a soft lullaby, and he swears he can see a smile forming on Steve's lips.

_ Thank you for letting me know you. Life has never been so colorful. _

* * *

The days pass quickly, Tony doesn't realize that he will be facing his fears in a couple of days. Of course, Bucky and Natasha are very supportive, and Steve makes sure he never misses a practice day.

The afternoon before the big day, Steve treats Tony toice cream. Bucky is busy with the soccer team, so he decides to pass, while Nat says she has a date with Pepper, so it's only the two of them together. The odd couple, the judges would say. The unlikely couple, the free-spirited violinist, and the concise pianist. 

But sometimes, Tony likes it, when it’s only him and Steve, they get to talk about different topics that range from memes to classical music. It feels great to have a friend who is into music as well. Someone who can relate because Nat and Bucky cannot, no matter how hard they try, relate to jokes and discussions about Mozart's obsession with asses, Beethoven’s messy compositions, Tchaikovsky’s love life and Liszt’s vanity.

Their favorite spot is now the park near the river. The two like to sit on the deck and feel the light breeze of the warm summer air. 

"How are you feeling now?" Steve asks Tony. "Tomorrow's the big day, make sure you get lots of rest, you can do it Tony."

"I wish I had some of your optimism, I can feel the pressure building up in my chest." Tony confides. "Y'know I feel like I am living under Howard's shadow. Sometimes, I am worried that I may follow in his footsteps and be like him." 

_ Cold, precise, bitter... _

"You are not your father, Tony." Steve says. "Do you know what I know about Tony Stark? Tony Stark loves sweets; he never tires of bavarian-creme ones. He loves to make fun of Mozart, but he also loves playing Mozart pieces on the piano. Hmmm... what else? He loves Captain America and has collected different Cap merch throughout the years, and he fixes broken objects when he can. See? Tell me, was your father like that?"

Tony gives Steve a soft smile as he shakes his head. It is obvious he is different from Howard when Steve puts it that way. 

"See? You are you Tony." Steve answers. "You may not have had the best relationship with your dad but I do hope you can come to terms with whatever he left you.You have to realize that you are not him and that you are your own person. I hope you overcome these issues so that you can move forward with your craft."

There is a pause as Tony tries to absorb Steve's words. Then a few minutes later, Steve asks him for his hand. They press their palms together, and Tony swears he can feel his heart wildly galloping in his chest.

"When you feel depressed, it always helps to lean your head in your arms. -Charlie Brown." Steve quotes.

"See, you have such big hands, the hands of a pianist and I can feel that your hands want to play the piano. They itch to play it.” he says, directly looking into Tony's eyes. 

And with that, Tony knows he has all the support he needs to face tomorrow.

* * *

Tony finds himself in the backstage washroom. He can't help but feel his stomach’s contents wanting to rise to the surface. He feels nauseous, at just the thought of competing again. This is a mistake, he can hear his brain shouting at him. He is nowhere as good as he was years ago. What if he sees his father's ghost again?

Still feeling unsettled, he reaches into his pocket to retrieve the small CapTsum plushie Steve gave him. He stares at it for a moment.  _ A good luck charm.  _ He wishes the little guy could provide him with strength. His mind chants...  _ Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale... You have made such a long way, why stop now? _

He tries to forget these thoughts by looking around. He sees familiar faces, but he can't remember their names. If his father hadn't been so strict, would he have befriended them? He recognizes the statuesque blonde guy sat opposite him. As far as Tony can tell, this is the transfer student from Norway who moved here when he was around nine. Tony tries not to make eye contact, but he remembers that this guy has won countless piano competitions after Tony stopped competing. What is he is feeling now? Now that he has come face to face with a previous rival?

The announcer comes in and calls Thor Odinson. The blonde gives Tony a nod of acknowledgment and then makes his way to the stage. Tony sees Thor hold his head up high. Is this what Steve meant when he said,  _ "Go onstage and pretend that you are 10 feet tall?" _ Because at this moment, Thor is surely doing that. looks the part. He is a warrior in a deep gray tux who has just entered the battlefield. 

There is a small flat-screen TV mounted on the corner where Tony can watch his fellow competitors. Thor's piece is  **Chopin’s Etude Op. 10, No. 4,** a piece that requires agility and precision. Tony walks up to the backstage TV where another competitor in a dark tux with golden embroidery watches Thor. The other musician side eyes Tony and he recognizes him from previous competitions. T'Challa’s looks at him with a look in his eyes as if to criticize him for his lack of participation in the past few years. 

"He waited for you." He tells Tony.

Thor starts playing, and he starts his performance strong. He was here to impress. The audience is awake, energized by his performance. Tony even hears T'Challa mutter a curse under his breath. Thor plays his piece as if he wants to summon lightning. Thor is a show-off, proud to boast his abilities to the world. And when he finishes the last few notes, Tony hears the audience applaud like they’re at a rock concert. Thor even has his own set of fangirls waving banners of admiration for Thor Odinson.

When Thor returns backstage, his voice booms with a laugh. He is clearly satisfied with the way he played his piece, however his eyes grow wide when his eyes meet Tony’s. 

"You were amazing out there," He tells Thor and the tall blonde stutters at the acknowledgment. 

"T-Thanks?" He responds awkwardly.

Tony never did socialize with his competitors before, but he wishes he had. 

"Such a show-off." He hears T'Cchalla scoff beside him.

"You know me." Thor responds with a charismatic smile.

The announcer calls out the name of the next contestant. T'Challa is up next, and Tony watches his fingers stretch themselves in anticipation of the piano.

T'Challa's piece was  **Chopin's – Etude Op. 25, No. 11,** a sensuous piece that needed  stamina, dexterity, and technique **.** Tony is left with Thor to watch T'Challa's performance. The opening is solemn until he plays the exciting bits, and Thor seemed in awe. 

"Wow, he really is erratic."

Tony looks at Thor, who is intently studying T'Challa's performance. 

"He really is a wild card. Sometimes he gives an  _ OK  _ performance, but this time, he has given his all. Like a fire deep inside his soul suddenly resurfaced. He is playing for someone, someone who hasn't shown up for years."

Tony realized that Thor means him. So, does that mean he has sparked something in T'Challa's playing? Thor smirks. 

"T'Challa," Thor scoffs "He only thinks that he only has one worthy opponent, and now that person is here, watching him play."

Tony continues to watch T'Challa perform on stage. Next to Thor's boisterous playing, T'Challa's is sensuous, enticing, seductive. If the piano could release colors, Tony thinks he would see warm tones of autumn leaves: Gold, red, yellow, orange. Only in his wildest dreams can he imagine music provoking different emotions from him. It is amazing. And when T'Challa finishes his piece, the audience seems to gasp in admiration, and like Thor, he receives massive applause. 

Tony feels himself shaking, he knows he is next. T'Challa comes back into the backstage area, huffing and full of raw emotion as he looks at Tony like a hostile black cat. Thor just laughs and congratulates T'Challa on his performance. Tony is even speechless, but he wishes he could've said something, but T'Challa is now out of sight.

_ Now is the time,  _ Tony tells himself. The announcer calls his name so he can head to the stage. How is he going toplay his piece? Will it ooze with confidence like Thor's, or will it be sensual like T'Challa's? He looks at the audience and thinks of Steve. The piece he is going to play was chosen randomly by him and Steve: Chopin’s Wrong Note Etude. Some people might argue that his piece is the easiest of the bunch which is unfair but...This is the time for Tony to go on a musical journey. Just like Steve has been telling him to. 

* * *

Tony takes his seat in front of the piano. He savors the moment for a while, he looks at the bright stage lights, and then to the dimmed audience. He takes a deep breath. It's only him and the piano now. How long has it been since the last time? This time, he will play smoothly, just like he used to before.

He takes one more deep breath and starts playing. He concentrates on the piece in front of him. So far, so good, he can hear the notes. This Chopin piece requires immense skill as it purposefully has quick, dissonant minor seconds throughout the score. He can feel the muscles in his fingers react purely on muscle memory. He feels the familiar sense of being the human metronome —Howard's robot.

His mind wanders back to the days of his youth. Nat and Bucky would often ask him to play with them. Unfortunately, piano practice had to come first. He remembers how upset Natasha was when she saw the bruises on his arm. Howard really had a way of disciplining him, and from the moment his father was diagnosed with advanced Liver Cancer, Tony took it upon himself to aim for first place in all competitions. Much to Howard's delight.

Tony remembers that he loved receiving his father's praise. He craved it, hearing those words soothed his ego. Tony remembers visiting his father during his chemotherapy sessions in the hospital with his mother. When he had competitions or recitals, his mother would record his performances and show them to his dad. He loved it when he won first place in any contest because it made his father smile.

"You know Tony, keep this up, and you'll make me happy." He remembers his father saying. He can remember exactly how his father looked during his last days: thin, with a bulging tummy, bruised skin, and wheel-chair bound. But that didn't mean he was kinder. In fact, his standards had only been raised much higher. 

_ "If you are happy, does that mean you'll get stronger?" Tony was twelve at that time. Had he even had the slightest idea that his father was dying? _

_ "Yes, my son." Howard said as he played with Tony’s hair. "As you continue to get first place, it will continue to make me feel stronger." _

_ "Does that mean we can tour Europe together?" _

_ "Yes," His father promised. "You will be the most celebrated pianist in the world, and you are my greatest creation." _

However, despite his father's reassurances of getting better, the opposite seemed to happen. He remembers his mom explaining his father's condition, which only strengthened Tony's resolve to do better. Once his father started using a wheelchair, he chose to position himself in the disabled bay near the exit of the audience —a place where Tony could clearly see him as he performed on stage. 

Four years ago, his father promised to watch him play during the semi-finals. Tony had felt extremely pleased when he saw his father watching from among the audience. Then he made his biggest mistake...

He had advanced to the finals, yet his father was infuriated.

"You didn't play according to the score!" Howard yelled. In his fury, his father even grabbed his cane just to beat the shit out of him. People stared, but Tony was hurting even more on the inside. His mother tried to calm his father, but Howard was always verbally abusive when Tony didn't follow his piano practice. 

"You are meant to play the music as it was written! you cannot put your own twist to it!" Tony remembers his father screaming at him. "How many times do I have to tell you? What is the point of self-expression if it causes you to lose points?"

For a moment, Tony's eyes dim, the unexplored anger at his father's irrationality irked him to the core. Why couldn't his father understand? Couldn't he hear the joy in his performance? This was...

"That's so unfair dad!" Tony had blurted out, throwing the piano score at his father's face. Never in his life had he lashed out against his father's strict lessons, but at some point the cup was going to overflow and Tony would snap. 

"I did it for you! I played according to my emotions because I was so glad that you were here to watch me, but now, I take everything all back!" Tony fights back a sob, feels the blood in his veins boil hot with rage, and his brows furrow. 

"I hate you!" he exclaims, tears pouring out from his eyes. "I HOPE YOU DIE! I WISH I WAS NEVER YOUR SON!"

_ I hope you die! _

_ I wish I was never your son! _

The words echo inside Tony's head. The all-consuming guilt had plagued his mind for years now. Those were the last words he had ever spoken to his father. That night, his father had to be rushed to the hospital due to fluid in his lungs. He suddenly couldn't breathe, and he’d drowned in his own body.

Tony feels the black and white piano keys lose their sound as he comes to the middle section of his piece. Here he is, being submerged again into his watery grave. His surroundings turn dark, and once again, he is all alone.

_ This is your punishment. _

This is your curse.

He hears his father's ghost whisper into his ear.  _ Punishment. Curse. _

After his father's death, he still continued to practice for finals. He remembered Nat being there, asking him if he was alright. Tony had responded that he was, despite Nat's soft pleas that he should take care of himself and cope with his grief. But he still went on and as a result lost his ability to hear the notes.

Is this how it is meant to be from now on? He thought that he was making progress. He’s played this piece in his sleep. He’s memorized the score in his free time, then why? Why is his mind failing him? He thought entering another competition would save him, remind him why he plays the piano... but all he can remember is that fateful day of his father's demise, and the last words he screamed at him.

_ I can't... _

_ I can't... _

_ I can't be that perfect son anymore... _

_ This is probably the reason why I stopped. _

Tony's fingers fall away from the keyboard. There is a reason why he can't play anymore. The bad memories resurface and take shape. What is the use? What is the purpose of playing?

He looks up and sees the bright stage lights. They shine brightly at him and he loses himself in their warmth.

Warmth.

He remembers meeting Steve in the park. The free-spirited young lad with bright blonde hair and clear blue eyes. He was playing the harmonica, and the children were listening to him. He also happened to be a fiddler. A fiddler who was so unruly and never let the notes boss him around. 

Steve... who asked him to be his accompanist, because he wanted to...

And when he screwed up, all he remembers is Steve's face encouraging him to try again.

YES!

Again!

Again! Again! Again!

_ If I cannot be perfect, then at least there is a reason to carry on playing.  _ Tony starts again, his notes were choppier than ever, imperfect, unsure, but this is how he feels, and the piano reflects all of his emotions. Tony tries to calm himself. This situation is daunting. He knows that he is already out of the game, Thor or T'Challa have probably won this competition, but they have their reasons. They were playing because they had their own individual goals. 

How about him?

What drives Tony now?

Howard is gone, the ultimate driving force of his career. But now, here he is trying to reclaim the passion for music that he lost.

Steve.

Steve is the only reason Tony is playing now. He dedicates the piece to the unpredictable violinist who came barging into his life. Steve loves music! What makes Steve play with so much passion? He wants to know! 

He imagines quiet afternoons with Steve in the music room. He knows that Bucky and Nat will be outside, playing with their respective varsity teams. Steve loves listening to him play the piano, and he’ll remember Steve joking that he had the magical ability to make his joint pain vanish. Tony realizes then that when he is with Steve, he can hear all of the notes. Just like in this moment, he can hear the piano's outpour of love and adoration for his friend.

Steve, who loves hot showers, Steve who can eat two whole cakes, Steve who brings him doughnuts, Steve who stole his shirt and gave him a CapTsum, Steve who might be in love with Bucky...

Can his music reach him?

He knows that Steve is somewhere in the audience. He imagines him sitting beside Nat and Bucky. Tony takes himself back to a place where only he and Steve exist: the music room, the playground, and the dock by the river. 

_ My journey has begun, I am pursuing that magical moment when my music reaches them. That magical soul has guided me. I know that someday I'll walk along beside him step for step. _

This is Tony's lullaby for Steve.  _ I play for you. For you alone. Thank you for inspiring me. _

And Tony finishes playing his piece.

He stands up and takes his bow. The audience gives a round of confused claps.

That was quite a performance, a transition, the pianist named Tony Stark has been reborn, and the ghost of his father in the wheelchair bay smiles at him.

He is finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The links to the musical pieces in this chapter:
> 
> [1\. Chopin – Etude Op. 25, No. 5 (Wrong Note)](https://youtu.be/g7C2it9cCsY) \- This is Tony's piece in the piano competition.  
> [2\. Chopin – Etude Op. 10, No. 4 (Torrent)](https://youtu.be/oHiU-u2ddJ4) \- This is Thor's piece in the competition.  
> [3\. Chopin – Etude Op. 25, No. 11 (Winter Wind)](https://youtu.be/gZjdAWgjLx8) -This is T'Challa's piece during the competition.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated.
> 
> Epilogue would be coming shortly.


	3. Epilogue: Sparkle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to Diana for beta-ing this fic. 
> 
> This Chapter is dedicated to small Steve, my wild violinist.
> 
> Ahhh... the joys and sorrows of young love.
> 
> Link to the musical piece stated here:  
> [Kreisler – Old Viennese Melodies – Love’s Sorrow](https://youtu.be/ldR6MpCKf88)

Steve pulls out a pain killer from his pill container. Lately, he has been relying heavily on his medications to be able to function. The doctor had already warned him that he had to be a little bit more careful. His fall almost resulted in a hip fracture, he’s lucky it didn't.

"Are you alright Steve?" Bucky asks him when he returns from the comfort room. 

"Yeah, you look a bit pale." Nat adds.

"Nope, I'm ok." Steve says as he massages the joints of his hand. "It must be the air conditioning, my joints don't do well in cold temperatures."

The lights dim, as the stage is set for the next performer. Bucky and Nat talk about the other contestants, Nat is awed by Thor's performance, while Bucky might have a crush on T'Challa, Steve can't blame them, those two contestants have poured their love into their craft. From his knowledge Tony, along with the other two contestants are known as the “Triple Threat” since they always dominated piano contests. Ever since they were children, they have had a shared history of battling one another. But when Tony had withdrawn, Thor and T’Challa continued to dominate their piano division. He’s watched Thor and T’Challa give amazing performances, he just hopes that Tony can remove the block that is hindering his flow.  _ Tony… _ he mutters a silent prayer.

As Tony's turn comes, he notices that Natasha is shifting uneasily in her seat. He knows how much Nat wanted Tony to go back and play on stage. Nat has watched Tony grow into the pianist that he is. Sometimes, Steve feels a pang in his chest and wishes he was Tony’s childhood best friend. Steve knows how deep the bonds are between Tony and Nat. Bucky always says the two are in love with each other but won’t admit it. What about Nat and Pepper? He remembers one of the times Bucky visited him at the physical therapy clinic. 

“Hmmm… Pepper is the person Nat  _ thinks  _ that she wants.” Bucky told him. “Please don’t tell Nat I told you stuff, she’s scary when angry.” 

"Ahhh, of course not. I won't tell." And then Steve smiled. 

He glances over at Bucky, who is gushing over several cute contestants. Steve smiles to himself, Bucky was the perfect excuse to get closer to Tony without being a threat to Nat. Nat, it seems has always been overprotective of Tony, even if she doesn’t know that yet.

Nat and Bucky may not know it, but in the music world, Tony Stark is a household name, his talents are legendary. For the longest time, he was the poster child of music prodigies. That’s why it was a shock when he went MIA in the music world. That’s why, when Steve’s father was assigned to this small town in Ohio and he learned that he was attending the same high school with the infamous child pianist, Steve was determined to befriend him. What he hadn’t planned on was feeling such strong feelings of admiration and affection for Tony especially during these past few months as they became friends.

Tony is the reason Steve wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument. 

A memory flashes through Steve’s mind, his childhood was full of hospital visits due to his medical condition. It was an endless series of anti-rheumatic drugs, corticosteroids and pain killers enough to make him go crazy. He found solace the day, he saw a child his age playing the piano on national TV. The Amazing Tony Stark playing on Good Morning America.

At first he wanted to be a pianist, but then he wanted to share the stage with Tony, hence the violin lessons instead.  _ Maybe one day, he can tell Tony the story.  _

He is on the edge of his seat the whole time during Tony’s performance and Steve feels heavy every time Tony falters, he sends quiet cheers to Tony up on the stage. And then, when Tony stops and then starts playing again, Steve feels emotions swirl in his chest. Finally, this is Tony, the real Tony that he has grown to admire... The gifted pianist who is no longer under his father's shadow. 

Tony looks so graceful on stage, Steve notices the people around him are entranced by Tony’s performance, Nat even sheds a couple of silent tears, and maybe he is shedding a few tears himself. When Tony finishes his piece and bows, the audience doesn’t seem to notice he’s finished, that’s how under his spell the entire audience is. The crowd doesn't know how to express itself properly but it still gives him a few claps of admiration. 

"Welcome home." Steve whispers, a smile playing on his lips.

Tony is finally out of the shadows.

* * *

"Steve, there’s a letter for you, and your father has news for you too." His mother tells him as he gets home. She looks at him only to see him covered in sweat. She raises an eyebrow.

"All that running made me sweaty."Steve huffs as he plops himself down on to the sofa

"How was your day? Did Tony win?" His mother asks him. Steve knows that his Ma should meet Tony soon. At this point, she’s probably tired of hearing stories about him.

"No, he didn't."

"Then what is that grin on your face?" 

"He is finally back," He answers. 

Steve's mind drifts back to the day’s earlier events: meeting Tony at the lobby to congratulate him and seeing him make friends with the other two contestants: Thor and T'Challa. Tony met one of his father's colleagues, the famous pianist Peggy Carter. Steve remembers how beautiful she was, and he’s sure that Nat and Bucky are awestruck that Tony has such remarkable connections within the world of classical music. Of course, he has those connections, he is Howard's son after all. 

Steve unlocks his phone to send Tony a message:  _ Meet me this weekend by the dock. _

* * *

"Look at this." He waves an envelope towards Tony.

Tony looks at the sender then realizes the implication. 

"Congrats, Steve!" He says with a smile.

"Yes, it's such a great honor to be invited to a gala concert with all those other contest winning violinists." Steve narrows his eyes at Tony. "That means they’ll want me to play there, and that goes for you too."

"Me?" Tony says, his eyes wide open.

"Yes," Steve says. "But this time, I won't force you if you don't wanna play,"

Tony is silent.

"It's your call," Steve says.

Tony closes his eyes in contemplation. The pause lasts longer than usual. 

"Alright," he answers. "I will do it."

Steve feels relief wash over him. Hearing this makes him happy. 

"I have news," Tony says, his face lighting up. "Remember Peggy Carter? I begged her to be my mentor."

Steve feels his face go,  _ oh!  _

"Wow," he mutters under his breath. "Peggy Carter, one of the most successful musicians of our time, mentoring you, that must feel like an honor!"

"Well, I've known her since I was a kid, so..." Tony says, rubbing his arms. The sun is starting to set, and the summer fireflies are beginning to light their tiny bodies. “By the way, one of the judges met me backstage, I think his name was Johann Schmidt?”

“That guy is a pain, what did he tell you?” Steve scoffs. 

“I got reprimanded, he says that  _ contests are not a place to practice.” _ Tony says with a strong mock German accent.

Steve laughs at his not-spot-on impersonation and then looks him in the eye and slowly blinks. 

“You really did good out there.”

Tony smiles as if Steve is just saying things to flatter him.

“No, I mean it Tony, you should have seen the audience, they were so captivated by your performance.”

“Thank you Steve.”

“And you know, the contest doesn’t matter, what’s important is that you are happy with what you are doing.”

_“_ I’ll keep that in mind,” Tony says. "Anyway, have you chosen your piece?"

Steve smiles. 

"For this event, I've chosen  **_Kreisler's Liebesleid_ ** , alternatively known as Love's Sorrow."

Tony snorts as he awkwardly plays with his fingers. "Must you choose that? Why can't you choose something else?"

"Sorry, my concert, I get to make the rules," Steve says confidently. "Oh, by the way, did you get taller?"

"Huh?"

"Ahhh, because you are not looking down anymore!" Steve says.

Tony breaks into a smile. 

_ I like it when you smile. _

Steve watches as a little firefly settles on the open palm of his hand. 

"Look at you, so small and delicate, yet your light shines like a heartbeat."

"So Tony," he says, directing his attention to his friend. "What was your realization on stage? How did it feel? What was your inspiration?"

"When I was on stage," Tony began. "I realized that everyone has their own reasons for being there, some because of their confidence in their craft, and some because there is something that they want to prove to the world."

Tony pauses. 

Steve waits patiently for his answer.  _ How about you, Tony? What was your inspiration up there? _

"Then, when I lost all motivation to go on, I suddenly realized I had one more reason..." He looks directly into Steve's eyes.

"I had you." Tony tells him.

Steve doesn’t know how to react apart from staring directly at Tony. The confession is enough to make his heart soar, however.

"You know what, let's call it a day," Tony tells him awkwardly. "My mom will be making dinner and I told her you'd be coming so she'll be expecting you too."

Steve watches Tony's retreating form. He remembers that his father is being reassigned to another state by fall this year. Maybe he should nip the growing bud in his heart?

_ You know, I'm not always going to be around to help you. _

_ -Charlie Brown. _

**-END-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the musical piece stated here:  
> [Kreisler – Old Viennese Melodies – Love’s Sorrow](https://youtu.be/ldR6MpCKf88)
> 
> That's the end of my small Steve Y4: Health Problems and Disabilities square for POTS server's Smol Steve appreciation Bingo 2020. Hope you had fun reading this adaptation.
> 
> I know it ends in a bit of a cliff hanger: our two protagonists, mutually pining for each other, yet neither of them know it. I would want to explore this AU in the future maybe? Create a series around it? God, this is amazing, I wanted to write them all pining after Tony. He such an amazing bicycle.
> 
> Thank you for all the love, comments and kudos. I really appreciate them. (Even if AO3 is not sending me any emails at the moment. huhu) <3

**Author's Note:**

> Music pieces:
> 
> [1\. Beethoven – Piano Sonata No. 14 (Moonlight Sonata) (3rd Movement)](https://youtu.be/BV7RkEL6oRc) -Tony plays this at the beginning of the fic  
> [2\. Beethoven – Violin Sonata No. 9 (Kreutzer Sonata) (1st Movement)](https://youtu.be/wEd2_GNMSm4) \- Steve plays this at his violin competition  
> [3\. Debussy – Suite bergamasque (3rd Movement) (Clare de lune)](https://youtu.be/WNcsUNKlAKw) \- Tony plays this for Nat when she's stressed or in a bad mood.  
> [4\. Saint-Saëns – Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso](https://youtu.be/l3m8-Ki8OSo) \- Steve and Tony plays this during Steve's second round of preliminaries.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are appreciated.


End file.
